Not sure what to make of all this...

So I have so many many emotions going through me right now

relief that we didn't have to have surgery

but frustration cause we still might have to,

Anger at the Jerk doctor that just came in here an made me feel 1 inch tall and an

Overwhelming desire to get that doctor to see and listen

or maybe JUST READ HER CHART!

Guilt for feeling that anger.

Fear, so so much fear for what lies ahead.

Physical and emotional exhaustion,

Sorrow, for my sweet daughter and her pain and suffering and fear

And OVERWHELMING GRATITUDE AND AWE

at the incredible out pouring of service, kindness and love.

So many many people have reached out to us.

I feel so undeserving.

I am amazed by how many people love and care about Lily.

Ashamed that I can't do more to help her and others.

Overpowering LOVE 

for 

My Savior and Redeemer Jesus Christ

And For My sweet daughter, and husband and family and friends.

Mostly I want to scream, cry and laugh.

I don't really know how I SHOULD feel,

but this is how I feel.

I also wanted to give an update.

The surgery was set for 11:30

It was pushed up to 9:30

then pushed back to 10:45

Then to 11:30

Finally Shaun told a nurse that SOMEONE needed to tell us 

WHAT WAS GOING ON???

So a surgeon came in and told us that there were 3 surgeons

each had a differing opinion about this surgery

and they were arguing about who was gonna do it

It basically all came down to whether 

her position in the x ray could effect the position of the cath in her heart.

So they did another x ray

It turns out it did...

kinda...

So they determined her heart wasn't in immediate danger from the port

so It was gonna stay,

one of the surgeons disagreed because they think she may be septic.

we should know by the morning if she is.

That would be very bad.

I am not thinking about that unless it actually happens.

so we are just back to waiting

and just to make things even more pleasant the doctor

requested an RSV test

which means we are on precautions.

She has no symptoms of RSV and the nurse called to tell him that

but he insisted...

So that's where we are...

more waiting...