So I wanted to do a post about what led up to the feeding tube,
the NG adventures,
the decision to get a g tube,
and then g tube adventure.
This will probably be over a few different posts...
so this is Part One!
Lily had trouble eating from the moment she was born.
She had no suck or swallow.
I tried to breastfeed for 5 weeks
it wasn't enough so I supplemented with formula
but she was too weak.
she would just lay there
mouth hanging open and i would drip
her milk into her mouth
and massage her throat to force a swallow
that's how she fed for the first couple months.
Then when she finally started being able to swallow
and she had a suck (very weak, but it was there)
I thought things would get better.
But everything that went into her stomach came right back up.
She would occasionally have periods where she would go a few days or
a week even without throwing up,
But it always came back.
And she screamed.
for hours and hours and hours she just
SCREAMED
and screamed...
and screamed....
and cried...
and then screamed some more...
and screamed...
Now I know it seems horrible of me to have all these pics of her crying,
but when that's basically all your baby does when she's awake
you HAVE to get pics sometime.
And YES I tried EVERYTHING to get her to stop crying
And it DID get overwhelming.
But EVERY TIME I got overwhelmed
I laid her carefully down in her crib and walked out of the room
I had to get some distance for a moment so I could regroup and
be the mom she needed.
and when I was calm
about 5 mins later I would go and pick her back up.
And I was exhausted!
But I loved her more than I ever thought possible
And more and more everyday.
And we got through it.
Safely
with only a few more grey hairs to add to my head.
and then the crying got less and less.
She was down to only about 4 hours of straight screaming a night
and she had some happy time
But she was getting skinnier
And she started loosing weight.
She was 6lbs 8 oz when she was born
and at 4 months she only weighed 8 lbs
the doctors were worried about brain damage from malnutrition.
So It was time for her first feeding tube
and things started to get better...
And she was happier!!
To Be Continued....
That all sounds way too familiar. :( Definitely not a good way to start out. And PS we have the same onesie she's wearing in that last picture. :)
ReplyDeleteSorry you went through all that screaming, I can remember like it was yesterday and as a first time parent I just didn't know what to do even though I told every dr and therapist about Whitney's constant screaming at the bottle. Sadness. She is so cute though!
ReplyDeleteAlix, i remember visiting you in March. I remember her crying A LOT and i could feel your EXAUSTION,FRUSTRATION AND ANXIITY.I remember feeling like i wanted to help. I remember updates through texts throughout the months that followed. No one could have known what was going on with that sweet girl, but you did. You knew it wasent just a "first time mommy thing" that it wasent just the norm, dispite everyone who told you that it was normal and you both will get through it. I want to apolagize for things i might have said that suggested i dident support or trust you. My "expert advice" Im so sorry that you had to feel the judement of ignorent people in early stages of the feeding tube. Thank you for shareing this blog. It must be theriputic.And you never know how your voice might help others. ok ok sorry if it was so mushy. I dont think i ever shared that with you and i tend to express myself better in written word. LOVE, PRAYERS AND HUGS...ALWAYS
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