back to reality

time keeps ticking

it doesn't stop for anything or anyone.

It thrusts itself forward

carrying all of us with it.

It brings with it endings.

Endings of all kinds, to many different things.

Lily had an amazing birthday.

She was so healthy that I actually let myself believe

That maybe she was better...

Maybe it would be all sunny days from here.

But as cruel time passed and led us to the next few days after her birthday

I realized she wasn't "all better" after all.

She spent the next few days after her birthday

 sick and Exhausted!

She never and I mean

NEVER

sleeps on her back unless she is REALLY sick

usually she sleeps like this

you cant see it but her bum is always up in the air while she sleeps...

The two days following her birthday she did 

almost nothing besides sit in my arms and suck her thumb

and SLEEP A LOT!

 I got NOTHING done,

but I enjoyed the cuddles a lot,

even though it made me sad to see her acting so 

sick and tired.

When I needed to get up and do something,

I would put her down and she would

JUST LAY THERE.

Then the fevers started...

She kept spiking a fever, then her temp would drop below her normal

she was all over the place

so we finally had to take her to the ER

she is supposed to be admitted for 48 hours with every fever

but for the whole 4 hours we were there her temp was stable

so luckily they didn't admit her.

her white cell count was super high though

so they gave her iv antibiotics and we have some at home to keep her on for a few days.

And of course as soon as we got home her fever came back and has been steadily high all day

but since they were able to get the blood cultures they needed last night we wont have

to go back unless it gets super high or she develops

"new symptoms"

hah! whatever that means...

Today she is active

but has deep dark circles beneath her eyes

and she has the " about to get very sick look"

(that only a mother can see in their child)

I am just praying the antibiotics will work 

and she will be able to

nip whatever it is in the bud!